Big City Life

"San Paulo, it is the only place for me". That's what Patrick said after telling me about the gang violence in Brazil. Patriotism with a very big smile! After that conversation we headed uptown for a bit of history, Brazilian food, beer then ended the day in a club at 3am, toasting to friendship - with tequila after tequila.

I went couchsurfing in St Andrews a while back and met Kimo, a kindred spirit. On Monday, out of the blue, he contacted me saying he was passing through Edinburgh after a few weeks in Madagascar. Our catch up coffee lasted just short of 24hours. Kimo told me stories about the people he'd met, the pace of life and replayed a few recordings to me of guitar songs that a man and his wife had sung for him - this couple spend their evenings playing music together and they look so happy.

This past week has rattled my reality. What is happening to my father and brother scares me so much. Things can seem so solid then something small happens and it changes your outlook, not for the better or worse, it is just different. Your path in life takes on a slightly altered direction for who knows how long. I want simplicity, I struggle to be face to face with the superficial aspects of this society. Thus I concentrate on my work more, which is not always the most uplifting thing either but it is so real. I realise I am not the master of balance that I thought I was but instead I'm an expert at turning emotions on and off like lightswitches. I don't want to do this anymore, my eyes should be wide open to each experience that life offers. Everything has a good and a bad side to it, that can't be changed but an approach can. It's tough times but the more extreme they get and longer it lasts, the easier it is for me to be happy. My ideas and morals deepen, my need for security dies and my lifestyle becomes less cluttered with material wishes, being replaced with rich and meaningful relationships. I know I often say this but it's so true to me ... The mystery of life is awesome. I really am getting quite philosophical in my old age ;O)

To quote Patrick, "Big city life, my friend"