Well hidden treasure!

Yesterday I was walking up the road in my tracksuit and trainers when I noticed a very eccentrically dressed woman and a short man who quite obviousily had some sort of learning disability. He was wearing a local football club shirt, had dry blood above his lip from what looked like a nose-bleed and a white crust of saliva around his mouth.

Yes. I kept on walking.

Him, shouting after me: Elaine, Elaine! Are you teaching today?

Me: Huh?

"Oh, you're not Elaine" he explained - he'd been to a PE class last week and mistook me for the instructor.

After taking 5 steps in the opposite direction he turned and asked me where I'm from, so I answered.

Him: Shoana. Shoana!

Me: No, no, I'm not Shoana either.

Him: You muppet, that's the language spoken in Zimbabwe.

Me: Ummm, wow, yeah, umm, that's Shona.

Him: Ndinoona ngirozi dzichikwira nokudzikaNapamanera kubva kudenga kuuya pasi. Padenga pakamira Ishe,Mwari wa Abraham. Ane simba.

Me: Jesus.

Him: Inoshamisa iyi nzimbo, Baba vedu.Yakanakisa imba yaMwari.Huvepo hwenyu pamasuwo edenga,Zvakanaka kuve pedyo.Zvakanaka kuve pano.Inoshamisa iyi nzvimbo, Oh Ishe.

Me: What the ...? Ahhh, so, I'm actually from the south so I speak Ndebele.

Him: Salibonani umganiwami (Hello my friend).

Me: ........... ? Have you been to Africa before?

Him: Nah. I have a wee knack at languages, ye know pal.

Me: Mmm, I'm noticing.

Him: I want to be a missionary with the Church of the Latter Day Saints ...

Then we passed two metal statues of giraffes and there were 3 people repainting them. This genius stopped and asked if they were the artists. Turns out they were. Excitedly he informs them "Ya know, I saw them giraffes getting laid last week!" (Drunken aussies wandering out of the Walkabout Bar are always climbing on the things.)

I carried on walking, highly entertained and very, very confused!