Saturday, May 12, 2007

BitterSweet!

Oh god! It’s 3.30am and I'm kinda drunk, I had a birthday/farewell party and now I don’t want to leave Edinburgh. Up until this afternoon I was fine … this morning my friend and I remembered the anniversary of his father passing away, we stood out the flat where his father grew up, leaning against a discarded mattress trying to think of what it would have been like there 60 years ago. I wandered what it would be like in 60 years time from then. This afternoon, I went into this Polish deli on Leith walk where everyone was so friendly, they gave me free food and wine, great chat and sold me cheap beers. Tonight I had fun, we told each other stories. Then when everyone left … I realised that a big part of me wants to stick around and I want to get stranded again on Crammond island again with Calum, go out for coffee with Natalia and discuss emotions, talk more lens with Phil whilst walking around the city's canals, laugh with Annalee at things that most people wouldn‘t find funny, go break-dancing with Giulia and silly-dancing with Captain Rory, and so much more. Oh. This sucks. Life is strange.

People have asked me recently if I'm getting bored not working at the moment, hell no! I have too much imagination for that. Others have commented about the ease that Marc and I are getting up and moving somewhere new ... it's not easy, I will leave a part of me in Edinburgh forever, but life is fluid and it changes all the time. One has to follow their heart and allow themselves to grow and enjoy the journey, to appreciate things for what they are. I know I can no longer stay in Edinburgh, my time is up here, everything tells me so … I’m on autopilot and there haven't been choices to be make, they’ve all been made for me. But this time is harder than the last. Life is such a funny adventure.

(PS, It's now the day after the night before and, yes, my head does hurt a bit.)

1 Comments:

Blogger ramo said...

I like this type of wild parties occassionally, although I haven't had one in quite some time. Good that you are enjoying life.

5:15 am  

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