Thursday, July 05, 2007

I am a phenomenon to you, but only a noumenon to myself

I haven’t been able to write lately, not a word. My mind has been pre-occupied with lots of change. But I have been able to read many books and am learning so much.

Just as Zimbabwe did when I was living in Edinburgh, Edinburgh now feels like a lifetime ago to me, it‘s another cocoon which has been shed. I missed it for a week and then that emotion silently slipped away. I hear my parents talking about being homesick and, even more so, it hammers down the fact of making the most of the moment you’re in. Time does not repeat itself.

The funny thing is that the more I enjoy experiences the more forgettable they become. Not in an sinister way, it’s just that I will be too involved in the next moment to think about the last. It is difficult to explain without sounding careless and harsh. But the happier I am, the more aware and focused I can be, the more loving I am to everything around me, therefore the past and the future aren’t important as they’ve been, gone and not yet arrived. Though the experience is never forgotten as that is what has made me who I am now, and pulls me in the direction I’m going.

The past few months have been great for me. Slowly and surely life is revealing one step at a time to me. Going from someone who was ’totally in control’ I feel like I have thrown my cards to the wind and said "Take me where you will"! And that’s what life is doing. It is fun, exciting, relaxing, peaceful and effortless. I guess this is the equivalent of a 5* luxury spa resort for the mind and soul :) … But one (literally) located where it rains a lot....

2 Comments:

Blogger David Quick said...

Good to hear you sounding so cheerful. Zimbabwe has been getting a lot of national press attention over the last week or so too. Are you moving with your parents?

10:17 am  
Blogger Shirlz said...

Thanks David, it's great being around family again.

Zimbabwe is not good :(

Yep, I'm going to stay with my parents for a little while. My flatmate from Edinburgh is also coming to Newbury soon, so the rent is cheaper and meal-times are more fun ... We're all keeping each other cheerful!

4:48 pm  

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