Big City Life

"San Paulo, it is the only place for me". That's what Patrick said after telling me about the gang violence in Brazil. Patriotism with a very big smile! After that conversation we headed uptown for a bit of history, Brazilian food, beer then ended the day in a club at 3am, toasting to friendship - with tequila after tequila.

I went couchsurfing in St Andrews a while back and met Kimo, a kindred spirit. On Monday, out of the blue, he contacted me saying he was passing through Edinburgh after a few weeks in Madagascar. Our catch up coffee lasted just short of 24hours. Kimo told me stories about the people he'd met, the pace of life and replayed a few recordings to me of guitar songs that a man and his wife had sung for him - this couple spend their evenings playing music together and they look so happy.

This past week has rattled my reality. What is happening to my father and brother scares me so much. Things can seem so solid then something small happens and it changes your outlook, not for the better or worse, it is just different. Your path in life takes on a slightly altered direction for who knows how long. I want simplicity, I struggle to be face to face with the superficial aspects of this society. Thus I concentrate on my work more, which is not always the most uplifting thing either but it is so real. I realise I am not the master of balance that I thought I was but instead I'm an expert at turning emotions on and off like lightswitches. I don't want to do this anymore, my eyes should be wide open to each experience that life offers. Everything has a good and a bad side to it, that can't be changed but an approach can. It's tough times but the more extreme they get and longer it lasts, the easier it is for me to be happy. My ideas and morals deepen, my need for security dies and my lifestyle becomes less cluttered with material wishes, being replaced with rich and meaningful relationships. I know I often say this but it's so true to me ... The mystery of life is awesome. I really am getting quite philosophical in my old age ;O)

To quote Patrick, "Big city life, my friend"

Ugliness

I spoke to my family on Sunday, my dad sounds so happy though slightly rushed as he has meat on the braai (bbq). My brother is positive, planning on handing in his resignation this week and moving to South Africa. There he will have a much better life, be near his girlfriend and be able to regularly visit the Eye Specialist who can check up on his progress. Kevin sees this health issue as a message in disguise and one that he should adhere too.
It seems something has changed in their mindsets, they have more hope.

This morning my mom phones me with 'bad news'. Last night my dad's car was stolen. It's a company car. Businesses in Zimbabwe are already struggling to stay open. Due to inflation the insurance companies play with monopoly money.

My mom and brother's cars are still in the driveway. The tyres are slashed. My entire body shakes and my heart quivers whilst I ask myself 'Why?', but I prefer not to draw to a conclusion. Thankfully everyone is unharmed - on the outside.

So, instead I will try use what I learnt from India. Again this virtue was highlighted in the ancient writings of the Vedas which I read last week ... be still in the dualities of life ... in the good and the bad, the freedom and the bondage, the pretty and the ugly.

Twenty and four

I just hit the big two four today! And I continue to grow younger! To celebrate this I went out for a wonderful dinner, then a Ghostfest to hang out with real old souls - I was surprised at just how much myself, my friend David and the professional Medium Donna Stewart 'perceived' from these spirit people. Until very recently I thought this communication was normal?!? Apparently it's called a psychic ability.

Following that, there was ice-cream, walks through the Meadows then viewing the Castle at 1.30am to discuss attack plans. David opted to use ninja skills, I went for MI3 gadgets and the 4 other random drunk girls in mini-skirts decided to charm the guard - their tactics won!

Zen

Last week my flatmate was away so I took the opportunity to have a week of zen - no computers, TV, radio or Ipod and as little phone contact as possible. It makes you realise just how much these things intrude in your life without you really acknowledging it.

During this silent period I read the Bhagavid Gita. This is the oldest full-fledged yoga book found embedded in the Mahabharata and contains the teachings on karma yoga (the path of self-transcending action), samkhya yoga (the path of discerning the principles of existence correctly), and bhakti yoga (the path of devotion), as given by a God-man to a Prince on the battlefield 3,500 years or more ago.

A small part of it talks about action with inaction and inaction within action - very generally translating to working without any personal attachment to the outcome and rather doing it as a selfless service to the world.
Funnily enough this made sense to me when out running this morning and listening to the new Snow Patrol album, a track called Chasing Cars. I felt absolute stillness yet was physically moving as fast as I could, a song and an action combined helped me realise something so much deeper.

We'll do it all
Everything on our own
We don't need anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Ran there, did that, got the tshirt (1hr10min 12sec)

My alarm clock goes off at 7am and I almost turn it off and go back to sleep. Then it hit me like a wall when remembering I need to paint myself blue and run 10km - a thought that is hidieous enough and even more silly at such an early hour on a Sunday.
After Tommy and I transform ourselves into cartoon characters we get in the most appropriate car for smurfs (a marvellous mini) and try to drive across town, alas due to traffic the little mobile is abandoned in a nearby car park and we warm up by walking to the Start line, in the rain (soundtracked by myself singing the Mission Impossible tune). Tommy doesn't remember ordering rain, neither do I. Our paint dulls and our photographer threatens to retreat back to bed but luckily the drops disappear just before we run off in to the fog.

The first 2km whizz past. On the 3rd kilometre a logistical problem arises, mental note to self next time don't run in skirts made of thin tshirting - the material stretches very easily and no longer stays where you want it to be! Luckily I have a few extra safety pins from my number so that saves the day. Past the spectacular Edinburgh castle, up the hill on the Mound, still going strong, bands playing and spectators shouting 'Go blue people', Marie Curie cheerleaders shaking pompoms and handing out jellybaby sweets, down the Royal Mile bouncing along on the cobbles and into Holyrood Park. Wait, it's uphill ... slow down to walk for a while, purely to enjoy the lush scenery ofcourse! Following that comes the hardest time for me, a mundane stretch of road and houses down to the Cowgate. 8km, can that be right, that far already? Tommy comments about the camera-men, why do they always stand at the top of the hills so they can film runners staggering up rather than watch you pacing downhill comfortably? The end is close, more strangers provide us with encouraging cheers, fellow faster runners stand by whilst recovering and they fashion 'knowing' smiles. Right turn into the meadows and the finishline appears, a brass band dictates the pace and suddenly I am showered with more adrenalin and a deep feeling of achievement, Tommy's eyes show he's feeling it too. A Zimbabwean friend Lynda was at the end to have some after-race banter. I feel as though I could run it all over again but after standing still for a few minutes I try to move my legs and they send me a slight feeling of unappreciation for what they've been through today. My heart is full of love for everything. My admiration overflows for Tommy as it was the 1st time we have run together and his pace is a certainly faster than mine, yet he stuck with me all the way. My mind feels awake, alert and most of all extremely alive!

Home for a beer from Marc and Andrew. A long shower to un-blue myself back to human, then off to an Italian buffet for a massive meal! Spent the afternoon watching Mission Impossible 3, Tom Cruise's errands seemed a little more radical compared to mine but I am confident that I'll be sent a self destructing message for the next adventure soon enough.

Until then I am going to let my aching muscles recover, relax and enjoy the sensation of winning a personal battle.

Great run approaching fast!

The big run is in two days and I'm really looking forward to it! I've got most of my smurfette outfit prepared and yesterday I had a bit of fun practising dressing up and looking, well, funny!

For those of you who watch TV at midnight, flick onto Channel 5 for highlights from the run and watch out for Smurf and Smurfette ... my great mate Tommy is joining on the fun!

Thanks for helping me making this happen!

Diversity is the spice of my life

In the past 6 months I've knelt down in mosques, prayed in temples, attended Sunday services at Christian churches, meditated with Buddhists, eaten matzo and charoset to celebrate Passover, debated bible verses and I continue to page through the Koran that lives in my bedside drawer, next to the Spiritualist book I was given last week. It has been shown to me that there is life after death and the stresses and worries in our lives are given way too much attention than they deserve.
So many different religions, some with fancy frills, some without. Thank God for that as it would be boring if everyone conformed to 1 idea. Imagine the 'powerful' people in our societies fully accepted that.

My weekend was wonderful, I must be getting old as I rudely didn't go out partying with friends on Friday as planned (my apologies) and instead spent the time with my fantasic family. It turned out to be a very wise decision, my mom and I walked away changed people, for the better. Actually, I'm not getting old as I broke my curfew on Saturday night and apologised like a naughty teenager!

Once back in Edinburgh yesterday, I celebrated Beltane with the Pagans. (Photograph of Ben!)