Full on philosophy

To be human is to belong. Belonging is a circle that embraces everything; if we reject it, we damage our nature. The word 'belonging' holds together the two fundamental aspects of life: being and longing, the Longing of our being and the Being of our longing. Belonging is deep; only in a superficial sense does it refer to our external attachment to people, places and things. It is the living and passionate presence of the soul. ~ John O'Donohue

I've been pondering on this thought all day and trying to understand if you don't feel that you belong to a place, culture, religion etc then what do you belong to?
But I think I already had the answer from a lightbulb moment in whilst Switzerland. This was my journal entry...

"It all makes sense to me now! I am nobody. Yet part of everything and everyone around me. Everything I think is a collection of thoughts that have been passed to me from somebody else. In effect I am a vessel, an empty space, filled with what the world provides me. There is, in reality, no 'me' or 'I'. But there is us and, although we already do to some extent, we should more consciously work together to expand ideas rather than fight for individual opinions.'

So in a deeper sense we all belong to each other, like one big happy jigsaw. Somehow many people have got distracted and they've formed smaller groups, ie religion, culture, race, etc. These enrich society tenfold if approached properly, and divide by hundreds when used in a petty manner. It's basic stuff .... is it not?

A days of questions

What a brilliant movie. What a true portrail of Africa. What a god-damn amazing character Leonardo plays (with a real Rhodesian accent)! The happy ending is very sweet but it doesn't happen that way for many of the millions of people separated from their families.

I really enjoy watching movies like that but I always walk out confused and seething with anger. It's brilliant that someone is telling the story and the public is there to see it, but it's all good learning the mistakes of the past. What about now? I'm sure the audience would do something if they could, but what? How did we end up being ruled by politicians who are devoid of imagination, inspiration and moral value. How do the masses sit back and allow these events to happen? How does one kill for their own greed? Where does the responsibility lie?

A 21year old Zimbabwean commented on my Zimbabwe video yesterday and I like the questions he asks.

Reading these comments makes me very sad at how little we as the Human race have moved forward, im sick of this pingpong game, and eye for an eye, all we end up with is a world of blind people, blind to the atrocities taking place every hour of every day, every month, every year. How are we ever going to move forward if all we do is justify our actions by the actions of our forefathers. Is the soil not red enough? When we are all finished is this a world that our children would want to live in? Will there be a world left to live in? Until we stop hating one another for the sake of it, and start living at peace with each other, we will live in this hell we have created forever. Jah help us, forgive us...
Ps Look at all of you .. you cant even keep peace commenting on a video preaching peace, in text to people you dont even know the name of, shame on you, talking about rights to be Zimbabwean, do you have rights to be human beings?

For the love of one's country

It's always good to have a plan but it's not worth worrying about, worrying is something you do to make yourself feel like you are in control, but you do not truly know what is going to happen tomorrow. Well ... if you do then I hope something exciting happens to surprise you.

I am unbelievably excited about going back to Africa! For various reasons ... I shall get to see my best friend (with an added bonus of being her wedding photographer), my brother, my gran and my good friend Alice, amoung others. Sunshine. Time to relax. Photography. Travel. Backpacking, etc.

An old place with new eyes. I can't believe how much I've changed since leaving Zimbabwe. Something I'm so looking forward to is being an equal to the black Zimbabweans. Growing up in a white colonist community gave me this false belief that we are somehow superior to them, and when you're living in that mindset it's difficult to know differently. This time I certainly don't want to feel that way. And the typical 'right-wing' attitude towards money has gone out the window too. I'm going back to Zimbabwe with a well-earnt 'flexible' mind and attitude.

This trip is going to be a peace offering in some ways. It's unbelievable what a relief it has been having my parents over here - they aren't out of the woods yet but atleast they are safe and in a less stressful environment. I will always be a proud Zimbabwean despite the moments when this country made me want to scream with the deepest and darkest despair that I know. But somehow I do not see the point in examining a situation without looking at the bigger picture. Therefore not only am I going home to make peace with this place, but I'm going home to say the biggest thank you for making me a 'free' person.

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers. --M. Scott Peck

A movie worth watching ....

Going home - part 2.

How I feel on the inside about going back to Africa!

I'm going home

Time so very rarely stands still and change is absolutely inevitable yet if you are aware of it, but do not try to understand it or control it, it becomes extremely graceful. It's most fun when you take up the challenge and accept time's offer of the most intense dance you will ever experience.

After over 3 years out of Zimbabwe I'm taking a trip back in a few months for my dose of Africa. Wooohoooo!

Surrounded by magic

Sometimes everywhere I look there is a miracle. A few months ago after lots of hard work and testing moments I left my flat and walked the usual route into town, it had stopped raining a couple minutes prior to this and everything felt as though it had been washed clean. The air was flavoured with diamonds, the street glistened and everyone appeared to be smiling but in reality nothing was different. I've walked that path thousands of times but that time was will stand out.

Last year I worked with a woman who was extremely forgetful and had a very slight learning difficulty. She had one son, we'll call him K, and he was the sweetest of children - very determined, diligent, polite and fun. As she doesn't work so her life is very family orientated - visiting her parents in the mornings and spending the rest of the day with K. His father had chosen to have nothing to do with him, after a messy divorce she didn't want any contact with the father either. She is, however, one of the best mothers I know, always trying to educate K in every way she possibly can yet maintaining a delicate balance of work and play.
Earlier this year she fell pregnant for the second time. It had been the first time ever in her life that she'd had a one night stand and wham, bam, big mistake! The guy turned out to be a real mess with a history of violence, addictions and so on. She found out his family are well-known in the area for their bullying tactics and it was proved to her when his sister and approached her and threatened her and her son. Not long after that she asked me to get information on abortion for her. I gave her telphone numbers of local clinics, medical write-ups and a few stories of people who'd been through this. She took her time in making this heart-wrenching decision and came close to having an abortion but in the end she decided to keep the baby - despite her doctor's predictions that the child could very likely born with brain damage. They were very somber moments. Not once did she get angry, all the time she kept saying that they were her circumstances so all she had to do now was deal with them in the best way she possible.

A new support-worker took over from me about 5 months into her pregnancy, but a couple weeks ago I received a text from my old manager saying she'd given birth to a healthy son, both mother and brother were overjoyed.

This week I'm going to meet the little boy. For some silly reason I feel he'll always have a tiny bit of me with him.

For some reason I think this is all a miracle.

Something to smile about.

Last week when visiting my family I had the chance to look through the big box of old photos, wow - it's amazing how many memories I'd forgotten about! One thing I did discover is that I'm probably stuck with this smile for life.