My Edinburgh Grandmother

Someone who knows someone, who knows someone, who knows my mother put a little granny (wifey in Scots English) in touch with me. This lady is in her 80ties and has lived in Edinburgh most of her life. She tried to get hold of me for a couple of weeks then when she finally did she invited me over for a cuppa.

So knowing that she has a brother living in my home-town, Bulawayo, I went to visit her today. She's nearly half my height but she greeted me a massive smile! She then treated me to a feast of cakes and tarts, whilst telling me her life story. Her brother Angus and his friend had hitch-hiked (yeah, thumb out style) from Edinburgh to Zimbabwe fifty years ago!!! She was an artist, she showed me a few of her paintings and let me play around on her piano. She recently had a stroke and lost her speech for about 9 months but she showed me her art works from that time and they fall into the 'tranquility' genre. Her health isn't great and she regularly took 'breathers' whilst sharing stories about living in the war, loosing family members, getting through it, the Queen ofcourse, grandchildren and her personal faith. When it was time to leave she handed me a bag of home-grown apples and some biscuits, gave me a big hug and said I must come by again soon.

This little lady told me that when it comes to your health there are only 4 important bones worth worrying about - a wish bone, your jaw bone so that you can ask, your backbone enabling you to act and, very importantly, your funny bone!

Trying my luck as a photographer...

I submitted some shots to a photography website and a few of them are up for possible publishing. Check them out, model-me and Edinburgh by night, and please vote for me should you wish to ;-)

Ahhhh!

Positive coincidences are a wonderful thing, as are moments of realisation and recognition.

When I was still very conserative/right wing, 20 years old and managing a backpackers hostel in South Africa, a 37 year old Australian guy spent a few days there. Marc and I were perplexed as he had this absolute aura of peace and calmness about him - yet he had very little money, and did not have a job to go back to, and was not married, and did not own a house, and, and, etc ... How was he not stressed I wondered?

After lots of fun conversations over games of pool and a few drinks, on the last day of his stay he turned to me and out of the blue, he said "Your life really doesn't have to be like this". We stared at each for about 5 seconds whilst lost in thought, me contemplating that I knew what he was saying but didn't understand it, and him thinking 'she's registering but not realising'.

Well, with the joys of 'growing-up', I think I'm realising now what he really meant with that comment. At the end of the day, as long as you aren't hurting anyone including yourself, you really do have to play by your own rules inorder to make it a fair game.

Happiness and curiosity

For a bit of info on happiness check out the show with zefrank

On Thursday my sole purpose for the day was to attend a Spiritualist Church service, not to get messages or anything but just to chat to the Spirit Medium about his beliefs. So after the meeting I joined him and his wife for a cup of tea and we discussed and debated, agreeing that many of our ideas are the same and we share similar experiences. Not knowing anything else about me, before I left there the medium wished me luck with my spiritual journey and commented about me consulting witchdoctors. (When living in Zimbabwe I had visited a 'white witchdoctor' about 5 times, she was indeed a fascinating woman.)

On my walk home, a nearby bar had brilliant live music playing (Times Like These by the Foo Fighters) so I decided to stop in for a drink, ordered a lemonade then found myself a seat. Right away the guy sitting next to me turned and stated 'You look familiar'. It was a fellow Zimbabwean that I'd bumped into twice before, once last year when organising my charity fundraising evenings and another time on Arthurs Seat whilst I was doing photography. Within a couple of minutes we were talking politics, philosophy and religion, and it lasted all evening. So to sum it up .. there are higher powers at work in the world wherever we are but, as humans, we do have free will. Somewhere along the line people made a bad choice and allowed Mugabe into power. Somewhere along the line people forgot that we are here together, not for ourselves. 'Why would God build something up just to destroy it all again?' Victor asked. He built this beautiful planet for us, does he now need to mollycoddle us too - is it not up to us to take responsibility make the world a better place rather than expect everything to be done by him?

Coming soon to a cinema near you!

Hotel Rwanda - 2005
The Last King of Scotland - 2006
....The Story of Zimbabwe - 2015

Bittersweet moments

It's 2 days on and I'm still smiling! When I found out my dad had been granted a visa I jumped up and down for around 20 minutes, shot back a few tequilas then I sang along and danced to my favourite album, full blast!
My parents did not sound as jovial as I did when I spoke to them - it must have been the lack of tequila at their house! They sounded spooked, it is a big move they have ahead of them. Plus they had had no electricity for over 36hours and very little sleep the night before due to more attempted break-ins.

Brilliant, so my parents are getting out of Zimbabwe and I already feel 10 tonnes lighter.

But that's not going to solve any other problems in the country. For quite a while now I've been writing letters to various governments on behalf of Amnesty International to remind that they have a very big obligation to adhere by human rights laws and state that in certain cases they are breaking them. I do not expect a reply back, that would be asking way too much, and I have never received one. But I continue writing these letters in the hope that the individual or group that I am advocating for will know that somewhere out there, someone does care.

Rights groups and union leaders have united to condemn Zimbabwe's government and police for allegedly beating and torturing demonstrators arrested during nationwide marches against the country's fast-deteriorating social and economic conditions.

So if you wish to do the same please follow this link - Amnesty International, Urgent Action, Zimbabwe

“Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.”
Tom Robbins

WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!

My father was granted his UK visa today! :o)

Ummm for Unemployed

A for Artist next? B means (going for) Broke. I and Y for 'If not, why not?'

I've spent 3 years (on and off) being a social support worker. Within the first few months on the job I told my manager that I like to be challenged, well ever since then I've been placed in teams to work with service-users that do exactly that. What a brilliant experience it has been.
Some challenging situations that no amount of education could ever have prepared me for but mostly they've been heart-warming experiences. Either way they have all been passion-filled, I love this type of work!

To the 21 year old girl who beat up her parents so was put in care. You tried to kick and punch me, you swore at me with every possible obscene word whilst trying to throw yourself in front of the buses - I do not miss you.

To the woman who I got up at 6am for, to travel to a dodgy area of town and then have to stand out in the dark winter mornings for you to let me in. Then inhale your cigarette smoke whilst you refused to Ever have a bath. I'm sorry that you lit your hair on fire and had to be sectioned. I tried my absolute best. (Happy Dave, the cups of tea you made for me after those shifts were a life-saver)

To the lady who has minimal contact with the outside world albeit a few medical workers. You put me in the spot light (quite literally) whilst we sat in your attic chatting and eating banana and chocolate pancakes. They were delicious, though I could barely talk after those shifts as my mind was 'blank'. I'm sorry if I ever spoke too loudly, wore clothes that were too bright or touched/brushed against anything in your flat. We taught each other so much and I wish I could give you a big hug to say thanks, but I know autism doesn't allow for that. You gave me a big dose of camera envy, it's not quite the Nikon D200 but the D50 works well for me.

To the woman who caused me so many sleepless nights and made me change from a permanent employee to a contractor. You screamed and shouted at me, so I made you cry. Now we are such good friends. Not matter where I'm living in the world I will be back here to dance the Hokey Cokey with you at your 60th birthday party. Last year you could barely stand and now you are walking a few hundred steps at a time. Damn it, you will probably out-dance me at that party!!!

To the man who has caused me much heartache in this job. You refuse to talk to me and my colleagues. We try our best but you make most of us cry. However this morning you said something wise. Whilst angered by your circumstances, you hissed at me "You should not be doing this job". Well today I agree with you.

I can't continue it right now as my family (and myself) now need my attention. Once my parents have settled somewhere here, I'm going to a place where the streets have no name :-) Or rather they are in some funky Indian language. I won't be flying into the sunrise tomorrow, not even this year as I want to spend Christmas with my family and attend my best friend's wedding in Africa early next year. Plus I guess a bit of money in the bank might help.

I also stands for irrational move. But who knows what 'I' really is? ... Life is what you make of it!

The laws of nature

After I writing my last blog post I went for a run to clear my head. Thank you to the +-6 year old child in Leith Links Park, dressed in a full-on grizzly bear outfit (surreal), who started jumping up and down whilst waving his arms in the air and shouting 'Wooo wooo' for me as I ran past. Thanks kid, it felt like I was winning a marathon.

After a horrible day at work yesterday, I was cycling up the street at 7am this morning to go back to work when a couple stepped up to the curb, chorusing shouts of 'C'mon c'mon, gooo girl gooooo!' and they gave me High5's as I rode past. You two are legends!

Thanks world!

There's no place like home.

I did not know it would feel like THIS, it's like I am having the rug pulled from below me and I'm landing flat on my face. Zimbabwe was my home for 19years and it's part of me but now it's disappearing very fast.

How to describe it .. I feel like a schizophrenic. Whilst on the flight home from Switzerland I realised that I have such an emotional few months coming up. For the past couple of days I have been scared to leave the house without my Ipod and sunglasses (luckily the rain yesterday masked my tears), it's a dark and blurred sadness. So yesterday this V for Volunteer became an X for absent. My mother texted me last night to say my mini had been sold. Ouch! This car was a massive part of my identity for a few years - every morning it had 4 of my friends and I going to work in it, we generally took turns in driving (much to my father's concern for insurance purposes) - everyone loved this little machine. At night we zoomed around the suburbs, visiting people, joyriding, transporting up to 11people at a time to the hotspots. It even took my sense of smell away for around 3 years - one evening there were too many friends needing a lift home so 2 of us sat on the bonnet, but I fell off and was put in hospital with a head injury (...well that explains everything). Oh the memories.

My dog Winston, my blind silly mutt! He had juvenile cataracts when he was 2 years old, which stole his vision from him. I recall returning from that vet visit and sitting in the bottom of our garden crying - whilst he pranced about like the happiest Labrador ever. He obviously made a blue print of the house because he found his way around perfectly - accept when the gardener moved the potplants about or Winston ran into them for pure comical value to humour the crowds. Out of our many pets this dog knew me the best, when I was happy he would let me be, but when I was feeling down he wouldn't leave my side.

When I asked my mom how she was feeling yesterday she replied 'very sad'. She is selling off their life. Understandably she's feeling numb.

So, I'm crying a lot right now. But expressing these emotions are best way I can deal with this and writing is a healing tool in itself. I don't think my first break-up hurt this much! But that's where the schizophrenia plays its part. I am incredibly grateful for this experience! All this pain demolishes silly habits like believing money is security, feeling the need for a big career, needing ego reinforcements from people or alcohol etc, fashion and all the other stuff. Instead I get so much exhilaration from the small things; seeing a toddler look at his mother and giggle, smiling at people, positive coincidences, giving and taking, trips to the library where I can access thousands of ideas on just about everything, spending time in nature and watching flowers glow with radiance, building raw yet real and enlightening friendships with people. My world is enriched and everyone is connected, we are here together - and I have never seen anything more beautiful!

The first world looks at Africa and says, 'Oh these poor people, sitting there with flies on their faces.' Well my friends, there is a lot we need to learn from you, but, you should lower your ego and realise we have something that you want - joy in simplicity!

Swiss, cows, bells and a whole lotta love!

My advert for Swiss Tourism

I'm Back! But I am not sure if I'm happy about it! Usually I look forward to returning to Edinburgh but this time I did not, I could have happily stayed in Switzerland! During the flight home I was feeling ill at ease, only to get to the passport section where I was directed to join a certain queue. Five minutes later I was rudely given a little white form and sent to the very back of the queue. Thanks for the welcome home Scotland! I know it's procedure, so excuse the venom but I'm walking wounded and, at that very moment, it felt like salt.

Anyways, that was about the only negative thing to happen during the whole holiday! Switzerland is a haven, a Garden of Eden! Snow-capped mountains, long hiking trails, waterfalls, opaque blue lakes, friendly people, good food, peace, serenity and I could go on! It is maybe the most beautiful place I have seen. Even being sick for the first week was ok, taking it easy in a place like that was heavenly! But that is not what made it one of the best holidays I have ever had. To to get my point across I'm going have to tell you a long story from my past ....

When I was still living in Zimbabwe I always wanted to leave there and go live in Cape Town. I had never visited the city before but knew it was where I was meant to go. So straight out of school I said that would be my plan. My parents said they weren't paying for it so I should stick around and get a job. That's what I did. Until one horrible day, a year later at a friend's farewell, I had some drunken CIO man hold an A47 at me for a few hours saying that he wanted me to be his wife. Highly unimpressed by his lack of romance, I took all the money I had saved (it converted to £100) and I got on that bus to Cape Town. On arrival a friend and his mates came to pick me up and I took and instant liking to one of the guys named Marc. A week later I moved into a place literally just around the corner from his flat. Three days after that, Marc took me on our first proper date for a walk up Lion's Head. Whilst up there his car was broken into and my money, which we had hidden under the car mat, was stolen. Not knowing what to do, Marc's parents were visiting the city for a few days and he invited me to join them that evening for a fish braii. When saying good-bye his mom and dad, Rolf and Hermine, gave me money to tide me over. I had no choice but to accept.

Due to affirmative action in South Africa I found it very difficult to get a job but I did eventually find one. Waitressing at first, working just for tips, quite often for 17hrs a day, 5days a week. Then tourism. The violence in Zimbabwe was still very bloody and the shock was only just setting in. My family were distraught and so was I. A dark depression took over, so much so that I could barely brush my hair as it was all falling out. Both my mother and I had cancer scares but, thank God, we were ok. Emotional overload! Rolf and Hermine paid for Marc and I to fly to Durban and spend a month with them at their beach apartment. They spoilt me, loved me and cared for me. Early the following year they had us to stay again for a few months whilst we sorted out my UK visa. They then lent me the money I needed to move to get started in Edinburgh. Inbetween now and then they have kept in constant contact via every communication method possible, always treating me as part of the family.

Two years after arriving in Edinburgh Marc and my relationship was not going so well. It wasn't bad but it was not what we both wanted. However we had built up such a strong bond and deep friendship, so we broke up ... He still lives in the bedroom next door to me and we continue to be great friends and flatmates.

This year, again when I needed it most, the Reimann family took me away to Switzerland to relax and unwind. We spent hours, talking, debating, laughing, eating, walking, being silent, sharing and generally being content. These three people have given me so much love and they are unbelievably special to me. I know that I have no way to repay their generosity other than what I described to them as the Pay It Forward concept. And pray that everyone has people like them in their lives. I am so very lucky!