Back to Square ..Something

A person walks down a road and falls into a hole.
A person walks down the road, wants to avoid it but still falls into the hole.
A person walks down the road, sidesteps, looses their balance and falls into the hole.
A person walks down the road, crosses over and misses the hole.
A person walks down a different road.

I do not know how many times it will take before I realise that there is only so much a person can handle. After working too hard and making myself ill I am having to rethink my work life. Did I mention whilst being asked about clothes shopping I was hanging on every word in the book I was reading - David Loy's Study in Comparative Philosophy. Being 'dedicated to a better cause' by sitting quietly in an office is as good as giving free aid to Africa without teaching them any skills. Ahhh, the propaganda we sell to ourselves sometimes ...

So I am back to that place where I love being the most - not knowing what's next.

Well, on Wednesday I'm off to Switzerland with 3 people who all play major roles in my life, so I am sure I'll return with a few good ideas about making these big dreams a reality. Or possibly I'll learn to yodel, make cheese and ....

Until then, I thank Gabrielle Gaiselman for a lot of inspiration ...

Thoughts transfered to tasty words

'Tis a treat when someone puts mutual thoughts so eloquently into entertaining phrases, ideas which I sometimes struggle to communicate entirely. Ofcourse the person who does this best is Tom Robbins ... so here it goes ...

You disrupted the predictable pattern of my life, and although uncertainties and changes can be quite uncomfortable, a life is only a paper puppet show without them.

Sex without love could have its thrills and satisfactions, sex without soul is like salad without dressing - a bowl of roughage fit for cattle and goats.

The great value of a circus high-wire act is that it has not practical value. The fact that so much skill and effort and courage can be directed into something so ostensibly useless is what makes it useful. That's what affords it the power to lift us out of context and carry us - elsewhere.

There are reckless people who can - and will - die from the cars your father sells every day. Anything can be misused. Furthermore, every individual has to assume responsibility for his or her own actions, even the poor and the young. A social system that decrees otherwise is inviting intellectual atrophy and spiritual stagnation.

Seeing the bigger picture

Work, work, work, work, work .... long hours, 7 days a week - it is a form of masochism! I guess that's why not many people truly understand why I am doing this. And when I say I do not get paid for most it ... they just sigh.

So I ask myself why am I doing this? It is not because I want to become a professional Fundraiser, nor do I want to partake in daily office banter ... "If you had to choose one shop to buy your clothes at for the rest of your life, which would it be? .... Apparently it's an easy one to answer, Harvey Nichols!". I really like all the people I work with because they challenge me so much ... yep, that's not a question I would ever have asked myself!!!!

I'm doing this because it makes me feel very alive! It's a little lesson that I am teaching myself ... stay dedicated to a cause bigger than oneself and money. Be disciplined .. get enough sleep and eat healthy. Budget, live cheapily .. I haven't had ice-cream for weeks and I know the next time it will taste ten times more delicious than normal. Adapt. Enjoy the simple things. Think. Focus.

By clearing one's own mind so that all restrictions, all limitations have been broken. That's what I mean by expansion. Having a heart that can accept the whole world as our home. --Subba Rao

Rockstardom

Before

It is so much fun when you meet someone who challenges you to think in a radically different way to the norm. You don't feel uncomfortable but you do feel rather speechless (well, in my case). Cam is a friend of a friend, he stayed with me for 4 days and it was 4 days of non-stop, crazy fun mixed in the most beautiful guitar playing I've ever heard. Until ....

After

He flew home to Australia today to play his 'proper guitar', which is the most expensive thing he owns. Rock on Cam! :-)

Luck, and more!

Luck is in the air ... everytime you play the lotto!

On Sunday a stranger had very kindly left a completed lotto entry and note in my shopping basket at the local supermarket. Well, given my brother's recent stoke of luck and the strange circumstances this ticket arrived in my hands, I paid £2 for it. Much to my delight, I won £10! So a big thank you to the person who has made my day. I hope they are smiling about their good deed!

Living happily ever after

Recently I was incredibly fortunate to fall in love. A brief affair but love so deep that it did not hurt at all.

Being the eternal scholar that I am it taught me a lot. Ofcourse it takes a long time to truly love someone and not your mental image of them. But there are so many different types of love. The attachment a mother has for her child. Friendship. The playfulness between owner and puppy. This list is a long one!

The sort of love I experienced was what he stirred up in Me. Hope in others, humbleness within myself, passion and the encouragement to continue to be a dreamer of sorts and a seeker of more. What else could a girl ask for?

The lucky man has since moved back home to a far-away land after graduating from university. I couldn't bring myself to say good-bye and conveniently was not in town for that farewell visit. But later I wrote to him to say, from when we first met, I had known he would be leaving so I had no expectations but thanked him for what he had 'given' me. He replied lovingly; grateful that neither of us were trying to fit this relationship 'into a box'. Love is true freedom, freedom is true love.

I am a better person thanks to this guy being true to himself.

Photo taken by Violinsoldier

Comedians

Inspirational! Taylor Mac has the voice of an wonderful angel. I saw his show last week, it is funny, philosophical, artistic, controversial and, most of all, honest. He does this incredible skit as though he's lying in bed in the morning and saying his thoughts out loud, stirring through the mental mud that everyone is caked in but it's rarely talks about. After the show my friends and I questioned how much was real or was it just a stage show. We opted for the real deal. He's undoubtedly the best performer I have seen in all 4 years I've been at the Festival.

Well, last night who do I end up chatting to ... easy guess! Without the drag outfit, make-up and wig he looks .. not his normal self. Taylor's performance made me laugh and nearly cry, but yesterday we ended up talking about going swimming. Yep, indoor swimming pools and where they can be found in Edinburgh. He also told me he's too shy to go handing out fliers on the high street like most other performers do .... After I had seen him in his drag outfit, green fish-net stockings and very little else, I actually found it very easy to believe it. We agreed that if shows (like most things in life) are good enough they will sell themselves through word of mouth.

ZimboBimbo takes on Southern Africa

A while ago I made this video and it is currently being broadcasted on Youtube. So far it has been viewed 692 times and as you can read there were a few interesting comments posted by various people. The lastest one on my profile page, from Kondrad Kruger, says,

Zimbabwe under monkey mugabe is a disaster even as a banana republic, hence why you are not living there. Rhodesia under Ian Douglas Smith was a Prosperous, Mighty, Nation that challenged communist terrorism from zambia (remember Green-Leader), mozambique & botswana. Ian Smith has not abondened that land but most of your seeming compatriots have. Only whites & asians can create proper functioning systems of order and justice. South Africa under ape hands is going down the same road. If your family or friends were tortured, raped and then slowly murdered before your eyes, you would not chose do be ignorant, I really hope you never have to experience such horror but it is more likely to occur in SA then any where else. Face the facts and the truth will set you free. RELIABLE statistcs available at: www.nationmaster.com As well as the Carteblanche videos on the rural genocide of White Africans. RHODESIA was better than zimbabwe. Whoever conquers that land becomes its native. The U.S.A. has hardly any amerindians left, because they were exterminated. blacks in africa were lucky they did not get the same treatment. Who knows if it wont happen in the future.

Am I the girl living in the clouds, or is this guy 'tainted' yet brutally honest? Possibly both. It is hypocritical of me to be living in the UK yet harping on about the Zimbabwe situation, but if I was in the country I would be yet another mouth to feed / person to worry about / silenced native. What many people seem to forget is the Whites went into Africa, (Rhodesia had a very similar apartheid system) they seized the the best land and lived as Kings whilst the 'natives' were made to feel inferior, not given any education and chased out into the 'homelands', etc. Common sense now, will there not be some sort of retaliation due to the treatment the Black people were given? Obviously, and I think quite deserved. But unfortunately it's being done in a similar insecure and violent way. I lived in Southern Africa for 20years and I know what sort of false lives some of the white people lead there. Yes, fair enough their is a lot of money circulating which they have worked very hard for, but the attitudes of superiority are totally unnecessary. Unfortunately it is a mindset and very hard to change it but we CAN do it by talking to each other and breaking through these levels of ignorance. Yep that idea comes from the office on Level 8 in the clouds, but who are we if we do not dream, aspire and TRY! Realistically racial tensions will never cease but maybe they will ease if we all play our part in making it happen. Learn from the past, live for the present.

A couple of days ago I attended a talk called Dark Nights of the Soul, it discussed good and evil in today's world. Debating on this topic was the Right Reverend Bishop Kallistos (Ware) of Diokleia and transgender playwright Jo (Formly John) Clifford. Now if they can air their views, discuss them and even have a slight chuckle at the differences, then why can't we do the same?

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. Mohandas Gandhi

But anyways! The real issues in Zimbabwe are no longer racism .... it's a bit more political than that. This post is rather vague but you'd be here all day if I went into proper details.

Thanks for reading,

ZimboBimbo

V for Volunteer!

Yay! On Monday I start my volunteer job with Capabilty Scotland. I have been most fortunate as when I signed up the department was planning to take on a few volunteers, but due to staff changes they decided to choose only 1 person. So last week I arrived that their offices expecting to have a very casual chat with the Manager and I was slightly surprised when it turned out to be a semi-formal interview.

Well I am the lucky candidate and I shall be 1 in a team of 6 people helping to raise £3 000 000.00 per year, funding the organisation's running costs. I already know that my first task is lots and lots of research inorder to come up with new ideas for campaigns etc.

It's been a slow and unsure process but, horray, I'll soon be a Corporate Events and Doner Development Fundraiser. And the bottom line for me is that it is Not about the money .... but rather working for a better cause.

Just after I got the 'good-news phonecall' I was in the city centre and decided to stop at a Waterstones bookshop. I go there regularly and, like a kid in a forbidden candy factory, I stare at the Tom Robbins collection .. wanting to buy all of his books at once but not doing so due to things called libraries (and a good Irish friend / fellow fan). Well imagine my delight when I found just 1 copy of Villa Incognito at 99p! I said thanks to 'life' for my little congratulations gift!

A Festival Street Performance on the Royal Mile

Festival, photographs and helluva lots of cash!

Festival Fever has hit the city! Yep there are people everywhere and what an atmosphere it is! As my two wonderful Aussie flatmates are both working at one the most popular show venues I am experiencing the festival in a new and very exciting way! Many, many parties! Some in a crowded and trendy cowbarn and others sipping champagne at 5* star hotels. I love the randomness of it all.


I'm currently working very few hours but things are happening slowly. In the meantime I am learning to play guitar plus free to enjoy what the festival has to offer. I've taken a few photos and posted them on Flickr and I was very happy to receive an email from a journalist in Vancouver asking if she can use them for her article on the Edinburgh Fringe.
Another great thing is the Edinburgh Marathon organisers kindly donated £50 to Amnesty International on my behalf to say thanks for my efforts.

I really can not believe this...

Zimbabwe has devalued its dollar and will, as of Tuesday, have new bank notes that will have three zeros less than the current ones.

I know that it makes things much simpler as no longer will people have to drive around with truckloads of cash, but now they are living in a somewhat false economy. It does not make sense to me. The Government are now paying to re-print all the notes and shall call them 'kilo dollars'. What next?

Nobody is perfect

I wrote a letter today to one of the top managers in my organisation asking why things have been done they way there were. I expect a satisfactory explanation back. I am so glad to have a 'voice' and even happier to know I can use it!

Communication was on the zero level in my family, so I grew up so shy and unsure of people! Hence I got bullied at school and that made me even quieter. I turned to chocolate for some comfort and therefore I got fat, making the situation even more cheery. What an easy target I was for abusers. And when I asked for help it seemed to fall on deaf ears as I could not communicate and neither could the people close to me. So, I couldn't beat the bullies and the next best thing was to join them. We rebelled and had a lot of fun getting rather drunk and stoned but much good it seemed to do, nothing changed. I left Zimbabwe with so much hurt and anger.

I traveled and met new people, faced different situations and most of all, learnt a lot about myself and the world. I've cried, I have laughed, danced but don't think I've screamed (well maybe at a music festival). I could have cut contact with the people who caused me so much pain but decided that was just silly.

So I stuck by them, quietly, and got to know them. Suddenly all labels such as bastard, bitch, idiot etc all fall away and you really, I mean really, get to know a person. You know what makes them tick and you have a better understanding of why things happen they way they do. As Freud would say, the inner child in me matured. I guess I've learnt the lessons of forgiveness, healing of myself and others, and most importantly, unconditional love. Someone told me I am missing the point by forgiving these people but by going far deeper and getting to know them I've learnt and accepted that very few people actually do something to harm another, it is either pure ignorance or something much deeper which needs to be addressed! It is scary, difficult and extremely painful but is it not just common sense?

My worst enermies are by far some of my best friends, they have taught me profound things that people sometimes only realise whilst lying on their deathbeds. A somewhat superficial world might struggle to understand this but I certainly hope they try!

Every person is unique but why so often do we not realise this? If by telling my story I change 1 person's life for the better then I have done a brave and good job, making everything I've experienced double the worth!

Every life has a story. What's yours?

A week in the world of ...

What a week! I holiday'ed happily in England. Israel rejected mounting pressure for a ceasefire in its 20-day-old war on Hezbollah. In Zimbabwe a 76year old man married an 11 year old girl. It's all random!

I had an awesome week in England, but I haven't recovered from the overnight bus journey home so I am suffering with a severe case of the yawns and writer's block. Check out my favourite photos.

The world continues to have me happily perplexed!